How to find love

Love is at your centre, your very core. There you go, I gave you the answer right at the beginning!

For, no, this is not a piece about dating, or tips on falling in love…but please keep reading.

True to my purpose to investigate and uncover what lies beneath, this is about the roots of love. It’s about going back to what needs to happen before you can extend unconditional love to another human being (through choice rather than biology). This is about the underlying cause of why love is missing, and the original source of self love. This is about the energy of love.

Where do you feel love?

You don’t even need to think about the answer do you? Did your hand stray to the middle of your chest? Did you re-live that feeling of fullness, of goodness bursting out that you have when you’re so happy in the company of those you love? Or perhaps, what came back instead was the ache, the heaviness, the emptiness that you feel when something makes you sad, or lonely, or hurt. Those imprinted feelings that you have. In your heart.

I wonder if you know these things about your heart:

  • Your heart was formed and began beating in your mother’s womb before your brain developed.
  • It has its own nervous system, consisting of around 40 thousand neurons, which can all sense, feel, learn and remember. You could even think of it as your ‘heart-brain’.
  • In fact, your heart sends more messages to your brain (in your head!) than your brain sends to your heart.
  • Your heart creates a magnetic field that can be measured several feet from your body, and is about 100 times stronger than the magnetic field of your brain.

Wow, right!

The energy of the heart, with the enormous magnetism that it has, was recognized long before humanity had the technology to measure it, and is what I like to think of as one of the 7 essential energies. The heart is not just the amazing physical organ that you may think of it as. It is also a pure energetic entity that exists on the mental, emotional and spiritual levels as well. This is your Love Energy.

What you need to know about your Love Energy

Love energy is associated with:

  • Passion – sure this is unsurprising, but we’re not just talking about the romantic kind, even though we could talk about that all day am I right?! Passion for life itself, passion for causes, passion for the things you like doing. How strongly do you feel about things?
  • Compassion – do you approach people with empathy, warmth and understanding? Do you care about how others are feeling? Do you find it easy to know others and feel sympathy for them?
  • Openness – do you find it easy to open your heart and your experience to newness? Is it easy for you to meet new people and try new things? Do you like to open your arms to include others in everything you do?
  • Service – whose needs do you put first, your own or those of other people? Does it give your life meaning to provide service to others, or are you more comfortable with other people looking after you?
  • Gratitude – is feeling and acknowledging gratitude something that comes naturally to you? Or, do you feel hard done by and sorry for yourself a lot?

What happens in your body when your Love Energy gets out of balance?

  • heart conditions
  • respiratory issues, including asthma and sleep apnea
  • lung problems
  • poor circulation
  • blood pressure issues
  • breast problems
  • conditions affecting the arms and hands.

Breathing in Life

Your breath is literally life-giving. If you are not breathing deeply you are not taking in all that life has to offer! It is not a problem to occasionally hold your breath – and sometimes it is actually advisable, such as when you are going under water or when you walk past someone smoking! Some activities such as target shooting or yoga require you to hold your breath as a part of the practise – this is all okay! However, when you find yourself frequently holding your breath or taking short shallow breaths, this is when you have a problem!

Stop right now and focus on your breath!

It is often only when you focus that you can slow down and check that you are really breathing deeply. When you take a true deep inhalation your whole belly should expand as the diaphragm contracts, extending the capacity of your thoracic cavity. Your shoulders should remain level. If you find that your shoulders and chest are moving more than your abdomen with your breath then you are actually breathing ‘vertically’ and expending more energy just to breathe!

Vertical breathing also means that your breath will not usually reach the lower areas of the lungs where the greatest number of aveoli (air sacs) are located. Short, vertical breathing is what tends to occur when you are stressed.

Deep breathing occurs naturally when you are relaxed. Deliberately breathing long and deep can actually stimulate relaxation, because it activates the parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system.

Metaphysics of Breathing

If you have breathing issues of any kind, including respiratory illnesses, the metaphysical (ie. underlying emotional) cause of this is fear, or refusal to take in life fully, generally due to a feeling of being unworthy. These underlying emotional causes are not necessarily on the conscious level, and may even stem from an epigenetic factor ie. one of your ancestors had a traumatic experience that has been carried through your gene pool.

The lungs store sadness and fear and can also reflect restrictive negative emotions. If you feel unsafe, attacked or trapped, or suffocated emotionally then this can be reflected in the action of your lungs, resulting in shallow breathing or holding the breath. The lungs will react in the same way if they are repeatedly ‘attacked’ by physical toxins, such as breathing in polluted air or chemicals.

What happens to your body when you don’t breathe effectively?

Holding your breath deprives your body of the required exchange of elements, disrupting natural biochemistry. This includes the inhalation of oxygen and the exhalation of carbon dioxide. Oxygen is necessary for your brain to function. This is part of the reason why you yawn. The deep inhalation that occurs when you yawn gives an immediate oxygen boost to the brain. When your breath is short, inconsistent or repeatedly held your brain cells can only operate in survival mode – far below optimal levels! Along with oxygen you inhale nitric oxide, which is key to immune and nervous system function.

The purpose of exhalation is to remove toxins from your body – including carbon dioxide. The more you hold your breath the more opportunity toxins have to disperse to storage areas in the body rather than being released. Any build up of toxins will eventually result in illness. Breath holding usually occurs on an exhalation rather than an inhalation because you have millions of tonnes of air pressing down on you making the physics of inhalation automatic.

How to balance your Love Energy with Evenstar 5 Star Wellbeing


  • Food preparation: share preparing food with others; prepare at least one special meal each week for yourself to demonstrate self-love; let someone else prepare a meal for you
  • Express gratitude for food before you eat it
  • Lots of veggies: eat at least 5 servings of vegetables a day, especially green coloured ones; cruciferous vegetables are especially good for heart health and detoxification – broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, bok choy, brussel sprouts, rocket; sprouts and leafy greens – all types of lettuce, all types of sprouts, silver beet, spinach, kale, chard, wheat grass
  • Green fruits: kiwifruit, green apples, honeydew melon, green grapes
  • Make sure your own needs for nourishment are given equal importance to that of your loved ones (yes I’m talking to you, mums!)


  • Moderate cardiovascular exercise will increase flow of blood and lymph, increasing the ability of the whole body to receive nutrients and remove toxins and wastes
  • Ensure that you are moving your arms at least a few times a week, as a part of your exercise regime – weights, rowing, field athletics, lifting your arms above your head will help to increase your heart rate too
  • Yoga, tai chi, pilates, qi gong: bring focus to the breath, and the connection between mind and body
  • Get outdoors: if you can move your body outside, near nature, in fresh air that is fabulous for your Love Energy


  • Prioritise sleep because it is a great way to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and regulate your heart rate
  • Focus on your breath to help you fall asleep: count your breath – take more counts exhaling than you do inhaling, breathe all the way down into your belly, let everything go with your exhalation
  • Constant snoring is not normal or healthy, seek medical attention if this is you


  • Get lots of fresh air, be outside, especially near beautiful green trees and other plants. Bring plants into your indoor environment
  • Toxins: pay special attention to the quality of the air around you, especially in the areas where you spend the most time, and particularly in your bedroom where you are breathing deeply every night. Endocrine disruptions caused by toxins such as phthalates can cause asthma, allergies and also breast cancer
  • Essential oils: using essential oils aromatically is especially beneficial for your Love energy because you breathe them in, so get diffusing!  My top 3 oils for Love energy are detailed below
    • Thyme – the oil of the releasing & forgiving
      Physical | Mental action: increases blood pressure, respiratory disorders, fighting infection
      Emotional | Spiritual action: forgiveness, tolerance, patience, open heartedness, release
    • Geranium – the oil of the love and trust
      Physical | Mental action: release of negative memories, uplifting, antidepressant
      Emotional | Spiritual action: forgiveness, unconditional love, trust, healing broken heart, openness, empathy
    • Bergamot – the oil of self-acceptance
      Physical | Mental action: stress management, uplifting, respiratory tract infections
      Emotional | Spiritual action: instils self belief and hope, opening of the inner self

Visit my Shop to purchase discounted pure essential oils.  If there’s one you’re after that you can’t see in there feel free to contact me directly.


  • Meditation – breath focused meditations are perfect for your Love Energy. A good place to start is with forgiveness and love for yourself, which are both essential to balance the heart. Try this one.  Or do a search on your favourite meditation app. I highly recommend Insight Timer.
  • Affirmations – some suggestions: I am free to express and receive love unconditionally, I am open and free to accept love in my life, My heart cannot be damaged – my very breath will heal me
  • Keep a gratitude journal or include a gratitude practise as a component of your meditation
  • Explore your Heart Rate Variability
  • Practise self love by booking yourself in for a Relax & Heal session with me!